Are you getting old?
You May Be Getting Old If...
1. You cried when Mr. Rogers died (or just happened to be slicing onions when you heard the news.)
2. You love Coldplay and don’t care who knows about it.
3. You have been heard to say, “Why the hell would anyone PAY for jeans with holes in them?” Though, in the not-so-distant past, you actually CUT holes in the knees of your perfectly intact jeans and, truth be told, you may even OWN a pair of these trendy, expensive jeans. You hypocrite, you.
4. You remember when Snuffalufagus was invisible and it pisses you off that he’s not anymore.
5. When a hip new song comes up on your iPod and you’re passing a high school or college campus, you’ve been known to turn the volume WAAAY up and roll down the windows, even if it’s below freezing, just so all the “kids” know how “hip” you are.
6. You really wish your Wacky Wall Walker hadn’t disintegrated.
7. Your evenings revolve around getting kids fed and in bed, your favorite shows or getting the kids fed and in bed so you can watch your favorite shows.
8. Due to having kids to feed and bathe, you are of the belief that you alone are the only one who truly understands the gift to mankind that is TiVo. (Quick! Hide the altar before someone sees!)
9. You have been known to “name drop” hip bands and up-and-coming actors at work or anywhere else where you are surrounded by those younger than you just to see the look of awe on the faces of your co-workers, etc. Yeah, you know they think you’re super rad!
10. You remember life before microwaves.
11. You remember when Tom Cruise wasn’t completely mental.
12. You remember making popcorn in a funky popcorn maker on your kitchen countertop, you know, where the butter melted on the little dish-like thing on the top?
13. You remember life before everyone had a cell phone glued to his head.
14. You remember when water out of the tap was just fine and dandy.
15. You remember when, if someone proposed you shell out $5 for a cup of coffee, a riot would have ensued.
16. You remember when gas cost less than $1 a gallon.
17. You remember when your government wasn’t constantly doing things to embarrass you, though it seems to be cyclic, doesn’t it?
18. You remember 8tracks, tapes, and BUYING CDs.
19. You made many a “mix tape” for your various conquests.
20. You remember “The $1.98 Beauty Pageant with Rip Taylor.” (Now, THAT was entertainment!)
21. You or a girl you knew wore “Jellies” and her feet were probably permanently disfigured because of them. (And we look down on the Chinese for foot-binding!)
22. You or a kid cooler than you owned a HyperColor t-shirt.
23. You remember when you had to actually get up to change the channel on the television.
24. You remember when you wanted your Mtv and you got it and there were actually videos on it!
25. You remember life before there were 200 channels of total crap on TV.
26. You remember when Guess jeans reigned junior highs and high schools everywhere. If you were wearing them, and if you’re this old and using Livejournal, you probably weren’t, you would have to tuck in your t-shirt on the side where the Guess logo was on your jeans so everyone KNEW you were wearing Guess jeans. How subtle was that?
27. You regret your high school band instrument is sitting in the closet gathering dust. Damn, you could play “Louie, Louie” like nobody’s business!
28. You have spent at least one night trying to look up old friends and flames on the Internet, reminiscing in your mind about all the good times you all had.
29. You wish you could go back to college.
30. You have been in at least one custody battle.
31. You have walked into your house and said, “This is not my beautiful house! This is not my beautiful wife!” At least once, just for the hell of it.
32. You know every line to any or all of these: Ghostbusters, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Sixteen Candles, Airplane, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Arthur, The Life of Brian, any of the Naked Gun movies, Pretty in Pink, St. Elmo’s Fire, Top Gun, Dirty Dancing, The Karate Kid.
33. You have been known to buy the coolest, most expensive exercise equipment out there, knowing this time you’re going to end up looking as buff/hot as Stacy’s dad/mom who live two doors down and are always taunting your by jumping into their hot tub in barely nothing- you use the equipment for a week, then decide you’ll take a little “break” from your new exercise/diet regimen and you never use it again. Your basement looks like a POW camp for exercise equipment.
34. Forget “soccer mom!” You secretly long to be “Stacy’s Mom.”
35. You can no longer stay awake to watch SNL all the way through and you are old enough to remember when it was REALLY good and REALLY bad. If you can relate to ten or more of these, prepare yourself: you're probably "heading into a crisis, chasing the years of your life," to paraphrase the adult contemporary band Five for Fighting. If you couldn't relate to at least ten of these, just you wait, little one, "time keeps on slippin', slippin, slippin' into the future." It won't be long. We promise. :-)